CALVIN CANDID CAMERA!

Monday, November 09, 2009 9:51:00 PM

today was an amazing day.

i woke up at an unearthly hour (9.55am) and skipped away to lot 1 to ahem, go for lunch with yiling. well, i DID lunch, but i did other things besides. well, its not a secret to you guys, but i mean, i shouldnt have done it. i mean watch a m. yah, i made it so obvious what i watched. :p

anyway, the m was good. good is what i say when i am in complete awe. haha.
going out with yiling is real fun! and we were laughing about what pat and cho would say if they were with us!

and i just went cycling. in the drizzle. but it was fun, and i got to eat indian rojak and satay! yummssss! haha, now im really tired.

i really hope my post two posts back has been forgotten. it was such a stupid post.

haha thats all im so happy ^^ all is right with the world.
oh yah, one more thing, i saw jiachee the primary school friend on the mrt today! yum! she was really friendly. i was flattered!

ZING! posted it up.

Sunday, November 08, 2009 6:03:00 PM

i must push down the previous post as far as possible!
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ive never been so happy to have so little visitors to my blog!

i thank all my friends for the bday presents! this is my first bday receiving so many thoughtful gifts! from fifi's very useful orange file (which i shall use for the next 3 years) to cho's yummy mint cake! THANK YOU. and just because you gave me a card or a voodoo doll (cursing my love life!) doesnt mean i didnt remember it! i really like them all! they have a sacred place in my drawer. except sophia's wood thing which sits nicely on my table surface haha

that is all! im so full of gratitude and er, happiness! yiling volunteered to watch this is it! but da jie says i watch too many movies and am the liability of the family! rawr! i am sad! it would be nice to be a little rich!

ZING! posted it up.

Thursday, November 05, 2009 7:54:00 PM

i screwed today up. i did so many things that i regret.

today started out all sparkly and perfect, and then band started. and i did so much crap stuff. im starting to feel like i always do. if you are born like this, no amount of self will can change you. mummy says if i say im stupid, im saying that god was imperfect in creating me. and i would never think that way. or maybe i am. i just feel very very unworthy, stupid, wondering when i'd ever do something right.

fifi's gone to sax, and im here to take care of her bao bei bob the bass. i think im doing a horrible job at it. when i mean job, i dont mean playing the bass. i mean, handling the whole instrument. today, mk had stuff to do, and left us for sectionals. so i was told to practise with tanya, which i must admit, i did very little of. so there we were, playing a bit here and there with the tubas. barely 5 mins of prac, im serious. most of the time, i was teaching tanya how to play ji go ba, watching tanya eat, talk to tanya, or arranging fifi's file (omg, will elaborate later). and when tanya wanted to play, which occurred very frequently, i ignored her to arrange the file (i hate myself!). my point is, i feel like i was terribly disrespectful and lazy and ego. im so terribly sorry to tanya.

and another thing. when i was arranging fifi's file, i completely didnt view it as 'fifi's file'. i thought of it like 'bass file'. and there i was, happily arranging it as if any sheet of paper in it was my property (none of them are). and then when fifi knew about it, she gave me the kind of look that she gives to jaywalker (i cant believe im using a code from so long ago, pat) or ------ when they piss her off. and cla was laughing. cla only laughs at the most not-supposed-to-laugh times. so yah. i want to smack myself twice across the face for not considering this properly. i feel so, disrespectful to fifi.

I DONT UNDERSTAND I DONT UNDERSTAND. why do i always do things that are wrong, and can never be reversed?

listening to bossa nova has calmed, so i shall talk abt happier things that have occurred. oh shucks, fifi said if no one asked, i shouldnt talk about it. oh well, i shant then. but it was a really fun time guyssss! makes me feel happy to wake up early hawhaw

thats all, i shall stop. now i hope my sis doesnt read my blog. im pretty sure she will. oh i heck care!

ZING! posted it up.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009 8:19:00 PM

Somehow, whenever I make it a point to blog, I am caught in a state of er, negativity, anger, indignance, embarrassment, or anything of the like. This post isnt any different, im afraid. I attribute this to my innate desire to place my burdens on others, I guess.

i caught someone being sneaky, and she spoilt my birthday. just like that.

Since I have time, I shall elaborate further on other events that have occurred over the course of these few days. Well, the sole task of making a new passport has somehow brought me to all corners of Singapore, and even to Malaysia, albeit for a very short period of time. And these journeys (ahahaha) have brought me many new experiences which I was more than willing to impart with all of you a few hours ago, but am not now. This, of course, is due to the humiliation and thus, bitterness, brought about by the aforementioned event. (I am nearly 100% sure that in one way or another, I have used that 'a' word wrongly)

Well, yesterday, (it seems like such a long time ago) I awoke at a little before 6am, accompanying my dad to the Malaysia High Comm. When we reached, we realised that we were far too early, and there was a queue outside the building. So my very feeble parents left me waiting in line while they rested at another spot. How my legs burned!! I was just about to collapse when I overheard my dad's conversation with the guard, concerning the fact that 2-year passports cannot be made in Singapore, only 5-year ones. ARGH! Waking up at 6am, waiting forever in the queue, AND NOW YOU TELL ME I CANT MAKE A 2-YEAR PASSPORT!! Fie upon your law!!!! *spits* I shall spare you insults of the Malaysian system at this point.

Anyway, my main point is, forget that my legs hurt for standing so long, I shall dismiss it as being typical Singaporean (actually, wells, im not a singaporean) and complaining too much. I wasted so much time! And as you guys know too well, I hate for my time to be wasted. I like to do things as efficiently as possible, unless im in a particular carefree mood, and the work im doing is mildly enjoyable. You can only imagine how pained I was, knowing that my precious time (that could have been spent sleeping, no doubt) was wasted on making this trip!

I think im being far too melodramatic. I dont like the way im narrating things, but in my state of mind, I cant code-switch as effectively as usual. Actually, im rather incapable of typing singlish at this point.

My mum, feeling disheartened by the situation as well, decided that we should make a trip to my aunts house, since she believed it to be in the vicinity. We ate noodles at a tiny stall (which my mum said was horrible, as usual) and then took the first possible bus that arrived. Apparently, it would have been faster for us to have alighted at Dhoby Ghaut MRT, but mum didnt know the bus reached there, and she wasnt looking out of the bus window. :/ oh well, the early part of the day having already flown past, i didnt really care about the allocation of the rest of my time. i was in a contemplative mood, philosophising (i bet theres no such word) about the state of existence, much like an idiot.

Allow me to share with you some of my thoughts on our 'state of existence'. LOL. (mind, im not really laughing) The bus I was in was filled with ang mohs, and my attention was somehow fixed upon them. Well, I never knew until recently that the word ang moh was insulting. I guess some time in my childhood, my teacher talked to the class about europeans and americans. If two words were used, surely they were referring to different groups of people. And being so young, with a mother who replied all my questions with "why? because the sky is so high?", I did not attempt to guess at how to classify to two groups of people. I suppose at about this time, the term 'ang moh' was introduced to me, and I very happily used it on every foreigner I saw whose skin didnt have yellowish undertones. Clearly, the person who introduced the term to me didnt see the need to inform my very young self that it meant 'red devil'.

Come to think of it, 'red devil' sounds like something cool, does it not? 'Devil', like... a daredevil, like someone who refuses to conform and rides a motorbike! And 'red', like... red hot, red blood, red fury! Maybe im thinking too far, but I truly cant see why 'red devil' is deemed as a deragatory remark. I'd like to be called a red devil! Oh no, I think I just made myself sound stupid.

ZING! posted it up.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009 8:55:00 PM

i go to school and im not happy, i go home and im not happy.
i think my standards have gone too high, or the people around me are just changing.

we used to have so many good times. we embraced our similarities and that of others, but now you only want to be different. and i feel like we are losing the time we could have spent being together. i dont understand why, i wonder how i have changed to make you see me as a threatening or bad person. now i feel like no one else knows me the way you used to, and its a very lonely world out there, being alone.

so many of my friends are going to read that and misunderstand.

ZING! posted it up.

Monday, October 26, 2009 3:34:00 PM

i know its not right, but recently i keep on thinking abt it in my head, sometimes even mouthing it. hell, sometimes when im alone, i yell it out.

f
f
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f
f
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f

there ive expressed it the best i can in this blog post.
its all her toot fault.
i hate her, if she were in my school, i would hate her.
tooting hate her.

ZING! posted it up.

Sunday, October 25, 2009 10:45:00 PM

i cant believe it!

101 words

Typingtest

pat says i got it before! :/

ZING! posted it up.

Monday, October 12, 2009 7:46:00 PM

today is the end of the exams! its a day well worth being happy about!
i didnt take the exam today, its not called pon. i worked my ass off studying for it.

-deleted everything i wrote-

ive become more aware that everyone gets hurt and affected by my feelings so i shall keep them to myself like every good blogger/friend/classmate does.

today i just lazed ard all day, wasting my youth..i wanted to do something productive by reading but my sis was being selfish and uncommunicative, so i couldnt read any of her books. thus, much of the day was spent watching useless free-to-air tv, fumbling with my dads handphone and lying on the bed like a pathetic fool. oh well, what more could i have done...i was thinking maybe tmr i'd go to the library, but i think by tmr i would be too lazy to do that. oh well D:

my blog is so boring heh. i shall off now. byebyes

ZING! posted it up.

Thursday, September 17, 2009 10:39:00 PM

ok, so during chinese lesson i was totally fuming and writing a bitchy blog post in my mind while doing math while trying to look interested in laoshi's ramblings. (yes i was trying)

anyway, now im happier now. ive slept for 6hrs, abandoned geog which i barely started anyway and am blogging now. lalalalalalala

ok, im lazy to blog. im not angry anymore. if i must be second rate then i cant give a damn anymore.

ok, i face it. i am happy cos i show all signs of internet addiction disorder and im surfing the net now.

lalalalala i dump the beatles and lieke the HOLLIES. but they have funny hair *glee*
i also like Paddy, Klaus & Gibson but i cant tell which is paddy, which is klaus, and which is gibson. no one wants to label their photos! what is this?! ok now ive narrowed it down to paddy and gibson. so which is paddy and which is gibson?? argh i give up!! ok i think its gibson. now i know why i cant find gibson. cos he didnt have a future in the music industry? ok i have zero intelligence over this kind of thing.

i think that allan clarke guy has a very nice voice ^^ omg, no ones gonna know what im talking abt, typing this is positively useless!

one day i will look back at this post and think: wow such an idiot. you totally embarrass yourself.

BUT IM HAPPY NOW SO LIFE IS GOOD.

lemme let you in on a secret. i once liked a female singer for her charisma and then thought i was les. :/

I WAS YOUNG THEN RAWR thats all the excuse i need!

ZING! posted it up.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 2:04:00 PM

hmmmm...i was looking back on my previous posts and i realised that i was only aiming for 260 when i was in p6.

posted Jan 04, 2007:
"I will get 260 for PSLE. I MUST get 260 for PSLE."

hohoho. this is very interesting! and all my life ive been thinking that ive let myself down. hmmmmm

ZING! posted it up.

ive uncovered gems in my closet!

ok, so today i was thinking - i better file my stuff first (to avoid studing) which turned out into fixing jigsaw puzzles that i made which turned out into FINDING MY SYF '06 PHOTOS! (yes, in case you didnt realise, i wasnt in any nerd cca in 2006)

YESYESYESYESYES!

ok, so was trying to find the post that i made about my syf trip all the way back 3 years ago...i havent found it yet, but you guys can help me find ok?

lemme post some pictures to show you guys how little i have changed!

i look like an auntie in this photo! im telling you that little boy down there was totally cute! and he could play the violin well too!

Look at us! All tiny and cute! I may appear to be very close to the tall girl beside me but i actually have NO IDEA who she is now. i suppose she was a yr older than me...

ok, this girl i remember. she was really sociable and nice and i thought her how to read a few notes. the conductor substituted her violin bow for a mute one during syf. which is pretty darn cruel.

oh those were the good ol' days! i remember on the days of our performances, all the little girls that i befriended (and cant rmb now) changed quickly and would bang on my cubicle door asking me to be quick. and i remember the over-ego tin long and yi rui! and i rmb the cool seats of the van that brought us to the syf place! and i rmb still not being able to play my score when we were tuning in the tuning room (i was an arrogant child! i cannot lie! i thought i was the best pianist *cough*)

on a sidenote, i really like my hair back then. all i needed to do was to brush it to a side parting and i would look REALLY GOOD. hahahahaha. i remember i didnt even need to comb my hair back then. and the worse part is, after all the combing, my hair still doesnt look like that now!

and btw, i still wear those pair of red glasses.

i liked red last time. i had a red bag too when i was in pri 2.

i have a whole load of other photos but i dont think its friendly to post the faces of other ppl on my blog. so. yeah.

thats all for reminiscing! byebye!

oh yah, i just thought of something thats rather impt for memory's sake. that guy standing beside me in the second photo was a year older than me and i thought he was really nice. (I DID NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM!) anyway, he could play the violin real well but was humble and quiet (oh gosh quiet men = i likey! *remembers mj*) and the best part was, he wasnt like the ego twins (as stated abv) and he actually talked to us girls. which was nice.

ok, im really done for now! bye!

ZING! posted it up.

Sunday, September 06, 2009 8:52:00 PM

HAPPY ONE DAY AFTER JBF DAY!
ok, i tried to sneak into pats fb account but faled so now im pretty free and happy. :)

so lets talk abt JBF yesterday!
after church, i went to meet cla pat and jamie at pepper lunch at suntec. im telling you, can we please not meet at suntec next time? its like so far from the mrt, walking walking walking walking. gah!

anyway, all the bands played really really well for JBF! i was really impressed by err...commonwealth and errr....was it loyang or something? i thought the school who boogied their song was really cool. cla said they were lame. cla you made them feel sad! D:

after waiting for FOREVER, it was finally scband's turn! yay! yipee! go sc! i was kind of sort of cheering! my mortal was so darn cute! gah! ok, i digress too much. so basically they played really well! i dont mean to like dote on my section. but i thought the clarinets played really well for the harry potter. i think you guys were great technically and all, all the practices really paid off. as a senior who is never ever there for you guys, im darn proud! of course i cant neglect the other two songs too. they were (i hate this word to the core but i shall use it in this context) AWESOME!

so after that we ran down to the stage. and then some of the seniors were climbing up so we climbed up too. it was damndamn awkward. i know im being self-indulgent and i shouldnt be, but that feeling up there was so wrong. it was just...in front of my eyes were the juniors ive never said hi to. that im afraid of. and yet so utterly proud of. i felt like the biggest loser.

anyway guys, i just wanna say that you guys were totally rocking the stage last night. and i know i should have picked up the guts to say good job. but i didnt. not even a pat on the back. as a junior, i would have been scared shitless by seniors like myself. but i guess nothing i do now will change things. so hey, great job guys! hope to get to know yall more next time! :)

and sophia! thanks for the farntastic letter! and thanks for writing it so quickly! i was ecstatic! it was yummy! *munch munch* and you got to take the scband presents from mr tans own plumpy hands! thats a great honor!

oh and i like this curly haired guy from xinmin (i think, cant rmb). gah! gah! i only like him for his hair!

ok, thats all for todayyyy! gotta do other stuff. byebye!

ZING! posted it up.